Hormonal and Sleep Deprived

Today is one of those days. 

The kind of day that comes after one of those nights. 

The kind of night where your 14 month old (who has never slept through the whole night. Ever.) goes to bed at 8:15pm, fooling you into thinking you can go to sleep. But before you can go to sleep, he wakes up at 10:15pm. So you feed him thinking this will be great and you will get to enjoy the full length of his next stretch of sleep. 

You put him back in bed and snuggle into your blankets. And you enjoy those 15 minutes before he wakes up crying again. 

Teething? Allergies from the dog he was playing with? Who knows. Ibuprofen is the only solution you can come up with. Then feeding him back to sleep. Only he doesnt fall back asleep. So you decide its time to cry it out. And boy is he good at crying it out. Or at least fussing it out. Mostly while standing up. For a solid 50 minutes. Finally quiet. Four beautiful hours of sleep. 

Then crying awake again at 4:20. You get up and feed him. He falls asleep. You put him in bed and he immediately wakes up. You sigh, and tell him you love him but its still nite-nite time. It only takes 20 minutes of fussing this time....before you give up and ask your hubs to get him and bring him in your bed. At least you'll all sleep that way, if not a little more squished on the full-size bed you currently occupy. 

Three more beautiful, only slightly interrupted hours of sleep.

Then its 8am and he is ready for the day. 

Thats how it becomes one of those days. The kind that makes you question everything about yourself being mama. The kind that makes you sit on the balcony cuddling your baby after a fairly unsuccessful morning nap (30 min of fussing+30 min of sleeping), and cry a little while asking God, "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG????" 

But maybe you're not doing anything wrong. Maybe the circumstances don't need to change. But you need to remember that Jesus is with you in the midst of these circumstances. And He isn't scared or tired or weak. And He LOVES you. Oh, how He loves you. And He loves your little one more than you ever could. And He promised to never leave you alone. 

So you breathe in deeply of His Spirit and His grace, and you cling to His promises as if life depends on it. Because it does. 

Its one of those days where you need to tear up the to-do list and just be. Just remember who you belong to. To love on that baby with all your weaknesses and flaws, believing that God hand picked you to be his mama, and has equipped you will all you need to fulfill that calling. 

So here's to the messy, dirty, tiring, exhausting nights that turn into days, that lead us to the cross and let us see ourselves in all our brokenness and know beyond a shadow of a doubt thatwe are   eternally accepted just as we are. Jesus is all we need. Hallelujah.

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Beneath the Cross of Jesus (Getty)

 

Beneath the cross of Jesus

I find a place to stand,

And wonder at such mercy

That calls me as I am;

For hands that should discard me

Hold wounds which tell me, "Come."

Beneath the cross of Jesus

My unworthy soul is won.

 

Beneath the cross of Jesus

His family is my own—

Once strangers chasing selfish dreams,

Now one through grace alone.

How could I now dishonor

The ones that You have loved?

Beneath the cross of Jesus

See the children called by God.

 

Beneath the cross of Jesus—

The path before the crown—

We follow in His footsteps

Where promised hope is found.

How great the joy before us

To be His perfect bride;

Beneath the cross of Jesus

We will gladly live our lives.

 

How great the joy before us

To be His perfect bride;

Beneath the cross of Jesus

We will gladly live our lives.

 

 

A Little Midnight Round of "Where's The Baby?"

So Jax surprised me last night and slept from 8:45pm till 1:45am, even tho he took a 30 min nap from 7-7:30pm in my lap. 

At 1:45 I woke up to his noises, and went to feed him. I reached in the pack n play to feel around for him (its pretty dark).....and he WASNT IN THERE!! Yes, you read that right. He made another noise and it sounded like he WAS in there, so I felt around again. Empty.

In a nanosecond, a million things went through my mind: How did he get out? If he went over the top edge, he could have hit his head on the bed, the wall, or the dresser! Wait, there is NO WAY he could get over the top edge...but if DID it would be a free fall to the ground. But he couldnt. WHERE IS HE? (Like I said, all this in half a second, while my hands are still waving frantically through the pack n play in case I missed his 22lb self somehow :) 

As I moved my hand out and between the pack n play and the wall, I felt his head. He was sitting up. 

As I scooped him up into my arms, I was finally awake enough to realize this was not as crazy as it seemed.

You see, I knew he had fallen asleep on that side of the bed (opposite of where he usually does) because I had checked him right before I went to bed. Tim and I had a good laugh about how he was sprawled out laying across the short side at the foot of the bed.  The netting on that side had separated from the bottom edge a few weeks ago when somebody used it as a fort. We had used a netting cover to put under the edge of the mattress and over the side/opening, and secured it under the feet of the bed to close the gap while still being breatheable. 

The gap is NOT very wide, but it does go pretty much the whole length of that side.  I guess when he woke up on that end, he pulled the net cover out from under the mattress, and worked his way through the gap! 

It took me a little bit to calm down, but it helped that I got to cuddle him and hold him close while he nursed. He fell back asleep in my arms, and I decided that since he hadn't bothered the gap at all the last few weeks, he probably only found it because he fell asleep there. I put him back in with his head on his pillow, and knew he would be fine. I resecured the netting and went to bed. 

I was still a little shocked at it all, and quite humored at this point. When I went back to bed, Tim rolled over and asked me what was going on. I quickly told him, to which he responded, "Oh, ok...wait, WHAT?!" I assured him everything was fine and he fell back asleep in 3.5 seconds. Jealous. Ha.

Jax slept all the way till 6, and then again from 6:30-7:45 with me in my bed, so all in all it was a great night. But I could do with a little less excitement in the middle of the night! 

Baby Milestones

Tooth number 6 has officially broken the surface of the gums, and we are having to crack down on biting as Jax wants to explore everything with those little chompers. 

We have had about a week and a half of consistent 8:30pm bedtime, with most nights involving a 7-hour stretch. We are all very grateful for this development and hoping for more of that! (Every few days he has a wonky night where he gets up at crazy hours, but I'm trying to just be thankful for the longer sleep when it comes!) His nap times are also getting more consistent, with a morning nap between 9:30-10:30 sometime and an afternoon nap between 2-3 most days. 

He is much more sturdy pulling up to standing, and slowly getting the hang of sitting down instead of free falling. 

He loves being outside more than anything, which is a great cure for the grumpies when he wakes up on the wrong side of the crib. I plop him in his walker and pull it onto the balcony and we can stay out there easily for 30 minutes! He also really loves trying to eat grass when he has the chance to play on the ground. He grabs it by the fistful and tries to sneak it in when I'm not paying attention. 

Life is definitely not dull at the Olson casa these days. It does my mama heart so much good seeing him learn and grow and explore.